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These are the Craziest Military Machines Ever Made!

Hey there, folks! Are you ready to dive into the fascinating world of military machines that will blow your mind? Buckle up as we embark on an exhilarating journey through history, uncovering some of the craziest and most unconventional military contraptions ever created. From the mighty Zuba hovercraft to the pigeon-guided missile, we'll explore these incredible marvels of engineering. So, let's not waste any more time and jump right in! 



Imagine a world where military machines break all the norms and defy expectations. We're about to delve into that world, where innovation and eccentricity collide to create machines that are both awe-inspiring and bewildering. In this article, we'll uncover some of the most unconventional military marvels ever built. From the formidable Zuba hovercraft to the quirky pigeon-guided missile, get ready to be amazed!


Zuba: The Monstrous Military Hovercraft

Let's kick things off with a bang! Zuba, meaning "bison" in Russian, is the largest military hovercraft ever constructed. Since the early '90s, it has been striking fear into the hearts of coastal communities. Imagine a behemoth capable of carrying three fully laden tanks, ten armored personnel carriers, or a whopping 140 paratroopers! With a crew of 33, Zuba is a force to be reckoned with.

Equipped with five gas turbine engines, each generating a staggering 12,100 shaft horsepower, Zuba zooms along at a lively 55 knots (63 miles per hour). Its colossal 5.5-meter propellers propel it through water with ease. But that's not all! Zuba boasts twin 4m surface-to-air missile launchers and two AK-630M Gatling guns, each armed with six 30-millimeter barrels. It can even drop C mines and unleash Ogón 22 round 140-millimeter rocket launchers to vaporize beach defenses. Just imagine encountering this beast on land—better give it a wide berth!


Rye Boulder Quinn: A Medieval Masterpiece

In the annals of medieval warfare, the Rye Boulder Quinn, also known as the Organ Gun, stands out as a truly preposterous war machine. Deployed by Edward III of England during the Hundred Years War, this contraption featured not one, not two, but a whopping twelve small-caliber iron barrels arranged in a row. The idea behind this ingenious design was to increase the chances of hitting the target. Even if one barrel missed, there were eleven others ready to find their mark.

However, the Rye Boulder Quinn had a significant drawback. After firing the barrels, it had to be painstakingly reloaded, which took a considerable amount of time. By then, your sneering foe would have either retreated or launched a brutal counterattack. While it was undoubtedly effective as a deterrent against heavily armored French knights, the Rye Boulder Quinn had its limitations.


Vespa 150 TAP: A Scooter with a Bazooka

Now, prepare yourself for an extraordinary sight—a scooter armed with a bazooka! The Vespa 150 TAP was a brainchild of the French army in the 1950s. Essentially, it was a regular civilian Vespa scooter with an 82-inch gun mounted on the front. These scooters were designed to be parachuted behind enemy lines, and they were dropped in pairs. One scooter carried the massive gun, while the other transported additional ammo and a machine gun tripod.

The nimble pair could swiftly reach advantageous positions, assemble their kit, and wreak havoc on the enemy. Surprisingly, the Vespa 150 TAP's bazooka had minimal recoil due to its ability to vent propellant gases out the back. This meant that, in a pinch, it could even be fired while the scooter was in motion. Approximately 600 of these unconventional military vehicles were built between 1956 and 1959 by a company called Ateliers de Construction de Motocycles.


London Class Ekranoplan: The Ground Effect Wonder

Now, let's fast forward to the 1980s and delve into the world of ground effect vehicles, specifically the London Class Ekranoplan. These vehicles are designed to fly at ultra-low altitudes, around 20 meters, making them more efficient than high-altitude flight and faster than ground-level transport. The London Class Ekranoplan was the largest and most ambitious ekranoplan ever built, carrying a staggering 100 tonnes—about the same mass Elon Musk is attempting to launch into orbit aboard Starship!

With the exciting code name Project 903, the London Class Ekranoplan had six missile launchers along its fuselage capable of launching P270 Mosquito guided missiles. Just one of these missiles could sink an aircraft carrier! Additionally, the ekranoplan was powered by eight jet engines, enabling it to cover a thousand miles on a single tank of fuel. Unfortunately, due to its ungainly size, spanning 242 feet in length and 144 feet in wingspan, along with the inherent dangers of flying at low altitudes, the London Class Ekranoplan never truly took off.


Molodyns Missile Train: Hiding Missiles on Rails

During the Cold War, the Soviet Union faced a critical challenge: how to hide its nuclear ICBM silos from the prying eyes of the United States. The ingenious solution? Hide them on a train! Enter the Molodyns Missile Train, a formidable and fully operational nuclear battle station disguised as a train. With a vast railway network spanning over 99,000 miles, the Soviets could shuffle these trains around to keep their missiles hidden from potential adversaries.

The Molodyns Missile Train was a marvel of engineering, packing the equivalent force of 900 Hiroshima bombs into its 23.3-meter length. As the Soviet Union favored liquid fuel propulsion for its rockets, a bumpy train journey could have disastrous consequences. To mitigate this risk, innovative workarounds were implemented, such as a space-saving inflatable nose cone. Fortunately, explosions were limited to the nose cone alone, sparing the rest of the train.


The Pigeon-Guided Missile: When Birds Took Flight

Now, let's turn our attention to an unconventional approach to guided missiles—the pigeon-guided missile! In 1943, the United States faced the challenge of accurately guiding missiles within hostile Nazi territory. Enter B.F. Skinner, a renowned psychologist and inventor. Observing pigeons navigating their surroundings with remarkable precision, Skinner proposed a rather unconventional idea.

His proposal involved recruiting pigeons trained to recognize military targets from the air and peck at target cables attached to their heads. These pecks would guide the missile towards its intended target. The National Research Defense Committee even awarded Skinner $25,000 to develop a prototype. While the pigeon-guided missile showed some limited success in trials, it was never deployed in actual combat. Nonetheless, it remains a fascinating example of outside-the-box thinking.


Big Dog: The Pack Mule of the Future

Have you ever seen those lovable robots from Boston Dynamics? Well, imagine if the military had one. As it turns out, they did! Introducing Big Dog, intended as a 21st-century successor to the classic pack mule. In the heat of battle, these robotic canines were designed to transport heavy supplies and ammunition across challenging terrains in support of human soldiers.

However, despite their potential usefulness, they were deemed too noisy for combat and were eventually canceled by military officials. But fear not, because another U.S. company called Ghost Robotics has taken the concept to a whole new level. They have equipped their robot dog, known as the Special Purpose Unmanned Rifle (SPUR), with a massive gun mounted on its back. The SPUR boasts an effective range of 1,200 meters, a 30-times optical zoom sight, and a thermal camera for targeting in the dark. If you find that scary, just imagine what the Chinese are secretly working on!



So, there you have it—the wild world of the craziest military machines ever made! From the intimidating Zuba hovercraft to the medieval marvel of the Ribauldequin, and from the audacious Vespa 150 TAP to the ambitious London Class Ekranoplan, these machines push the boundaries of conventional warfare. We've explored the ingenious Molodyns Missile Train and the peculiar pigeon-guided missile, along with the modern marvel of Big Dog. Each of these machines brings a unique blend of audacity, innovation, and, in some cases, sheer madness to the realm of military technology.

While some of these machines may have faded into obscurity or faced practical limitations, their stories serve as a reminder of the creative lengths humans have gone to in the pursuit of military might. So, the next time you hear about a bizarre military contraption, remember that truth is often stranger than fiction, and the fog of war can give rise to some truly mind-boggling inventions!



Q1: Did the Zuba hovercraft see active combat?

No, the Zuba hovercraft was primarily used for coastal defense and transportation purposes. It was designed to ferry tanks, armored personnel carriers, and troops, but it did not engage in direct combat.


Q2: How many Vespa 150 TAP scooters were built?

Approximately 600 Vespa 150 TAP scooters were built between 1956 and 1959.


Q3: Were pigeon-guided missiles successful?

While pigeon-guided missiles showed some limited success in trials, they were never deployed in actual combat situations.


Q4: Can the Big Dog robot still be seen in action?

No, the Big Dog robot, developed by Boston Dynamics, was canceled by military officials due to its noise levels. However, other companies have continued to explore similar concepts.


Q5: What happened to the London Class Ekranoplan?

The London Class Ekranoplan, despite its ambitious design and capabilities, never entered active service. Challenges related to its size, low-altitude flight, and collision risks with unexpected waves prevented it from becoming operational.

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